


Give me love

by dontneedtohide



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: AU No Supernatural, Alternate Universe - College/University, Carmilla - Freeform, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Minor Hollence, Never Have I Ever, Shame, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teasing, Truth or Dare, based on a real story, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8920492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontneedtohide/pseuds/dontneedtohide
Summary: It's Laura's first year at college, where she meets Laf, Perry, Danny and, later, Carmilla. She is in a relationship with Danny, but just because she felt like it was her duty to be, since Danny was so nice to her - and sometimes tried to kiss her. But when Carmilla joins Laura's group for one of her class' assignments, her life becomes infuriating.Also available at https://www.wattpad.com/348269936-give-me-love-chapter-1





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos - I don't have a beta, and english is not my first language.  
> \- I'll add more tags as the story develops

It’s your first year at college, and although you are a very sociable person, it was hard in the beginning. You didn’t know any person there, and you were very distressed, because you don’t really like to be alone. But right in the first weeks, you got to know LaF, Perry and Danny. All of them were in some of your classes, so you always had someone to talk to. They also happen to be very reliable friends, who are always there to help you in anything you ever need.

Later in the month, in one of the classes you share with Laf and Perry, the professor asks the class to separate in groups so you can do the next assignment. You instantly pair up with your friends and waits for the teacher’s next command. The class makes some noise as everybody groups, and you watch them. You notice a brunette, the one who you’ve seem in some of your other classes, keeping quiet in the corner of the room, as if waiting for someone to invite her to join the group. You’ve never talked to her, but she seems fine – and a bit lost. So you ask Laf and Perry if it’s ok to invite her.

 "Sure, frosh. She seems nice" says Laf. Perry just nods, so you take it as a ‘yes’

You walk up to her, a bit shy – as you always are when you don’t really know someone –, and notices she’s reading a book. You grow up the courage and tries:

"Hey!" She looks up with an expression you can’t really read, and says

"Hey!"

"So, the professor asked us to separate in groups, and I noticed you there, and maybe you don’t know anyone here, and I was just wondering if maybe you feel like joining me and my friends. But it’s totally ok if you don’t. It’s just that you seemed a bit lost, and I just wanted to be helpful, and…"

"Breath, cupcake" she cuts you off.

"Sorry. I ramble sometimes, when I’m nervous" you apologize, blushing with the nickname

"So I’ve noticed" wait, what did she mean with _I’ve noticed_? Does she even knew you existed before you walked up to her? "Well, I don’t really have many options, cupcake. It’s either the assholes over there or you and the gingers. I’m in" you don’t really know if she’s being sarcastic, because you don’t know her. But you ignore it.

"Cool! Come on! I’m gonna introduce you to my friends" you say pulling her by the hand and heading over to Laf and Perry. You introduce them, and then turns to the brunette, whose name you don’t know yet (you blush at the realization) "and you aaaare…?"

"Carmilla" she simply says and then turns her  eyes back to the book she was reading.

You look at her, and then turn your glare to your friends, who just shrug. You shrug too, and then turn your attention to the professor, who started talking about your next assignment.

It ends up being a simple assignment, but it demands you to meet up so you can make it. You change numbers with Carmilla and asks

 "So it’s ok with you guys if we meet Wednesday, after class? You can come to my dorm and we can finish it up fastly, and then watch a movie or wathever"

"I’m ok with that. Perry can bring some freshly-baked cookies, and we can watch something on Netflix" says LaFontaine. Perry just smiles and nods.

"Yeah, I’m not sure I can. But you guys keep your meet-up anyways, and just tell me what I can do, and I’ll email it to you later" Carmilla says.

"Oh. You sure? We can choose another day, if it’s better for you" Perry says.

"No, I’m sure. I don’t want to disturb you guys. Just text me later telling me what part of the assignment I should do and I’ll email it to you soon" Carmilla says.

"Oh. Ok then" you say, turning to your friends to confirm, and when you turn back, Carmilla is gone so fast that you wonder if she is some sort of supernatural creature. "Where did she go? She was right there" you look around, searching her, but just ignores it and shrugs.

 

-

 

You’re in your dorm, trying to finish some papers that are for next week, when your phone starts buzzing. You ignore it at first, focused on your papers, but it keeps insistently buzzing, to the point of annoyance. You blow some air and takes it.

_12 messages from Danny_

She has been texting you a lot recently, inviting you to non-dates dates, just to spend some time together. You don’t really feel like it. You like Danny, but not the way she wants and expects you to. But she’s being really nice to you, and being helpful and sometimes cute, and you really feel like turning her down, but you feel bad about it. So you just say yes to one of her messages. What’s the problem in hanging out with a friend that want to be more than friends?

 

-

 

Danny ends up trying to kiss you a few times, but you just turn your face, making her kiss your cheek instead. She doesn’t give up, and every time you hang out, she tries again. You debate in either you should let her kiss you or not. She’s cool. She’s fine. She sends you cute messages from time to time. She helps you carry your books from class to class. She walks you from class to class, always kissing your cheek before saying goodbye. You feel really bad for not giving her a chance, so in the next time you hang out with her, you let her kiss you.

It’s a normal kiss. It doesn’t makes your heart beat faster, nor makes you feel like flying, but still is a good kiss. You can get used to it, if you try. It’s soft, and Danny always smile at the end of each kiss. It feels comforting. The sensation of being loved by someone is comforting. So you just let it be and hope that you will get used to it.

 

-

 

Carmilla is never available for your college assignments, which infuriates you. She seems to always be available to other things and other people. But when it’s about your college group, she is always busy. However, she always makes her parts off the assignments, so you are partially ok with that.

She’s still a bit introspective inside your group. She never talks too much, and seems aloof about everything you and your friends talk about. She never gives her opinions in anything, and sometimes just answers with a simple nod or a shake of head.

You think she probably just doesn’t like you and your friends, but she never shows that, and she’s in your group and will be for the rest of the semester, so you just let it be.

But something in her personality seems to drawn you to her. There’s some mystery in her aloofness, something her eyes are trying to tell you, but you can’t read it. Sometimes you lose the sense of time and just keeps looking at her face, trying to decipher her. Sometimes you are caught staring.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos - I don't have a beta, and english is not my first language.  
> \- I'll add more tags as the story develops

Surprisingly, Carmilla starts showing up in your meet-ups. She even talks a little, sometimes. You find out she’s actually funny when she wants to be, and she seems to get along with you and your friends.

One day, after you finished your assignment, you started talking about random things. But LaFontaine, as usual, ends up turning the subject a little more tense.

"Has something nasty ever happened to you guys?" they say, looking from face to face. She stops at Carmilla, who is looking down and seems to be thinking about something. "Carmilla?" she glares up, but stay silent.

"I’m sure nothing nasty has ever happened to Carm, Laf." you say, trying to help. But, surprisingly, you hear:

"Actually…" Carmilla trails off for a moment "yes".

You turn to look at her, not expecting to hear her voice at all, and at the same time, Laf says:

"Oh, come on! Share it with us!" being elbowed by Perry, who whispers:

"LaFontaine, let it go. That’s none of our business"

"Yeah, that’s ok, Carm. You don’t have to tell us. That’s not of our business at all" you say, receiving a nod from Perry.

"No, it’s fine." Carmilla answers, and starts before you can say anything else "There was this time, when I went to the movies with a friend, and he started to kiss me. And even though I tried to stop him, he didn’t let go. He started to touch me everywhere, and fuck, there were some kids next to us. He pulled my shirt up and… almost got me naked. I never felt so ashamed of myself. I tried to stop him, but it was like I was paralyzed. I couldn’t do anything. So when the movie was over, he stopped, and I took this opportunity to run from him" she finishes, and the three of you are looking speechless to her.

You put your hand over hers, and say:

"Carm, that’s… That’s awful!" you say, still on shock. "Did you tell someone about it?"

"No. God, no. I still feel completely ashamed about it" she seems afraid, so you reassure her:

"Hey, that’s ok. We are never gonna talk about it again, ok? And we promise to never tell anyone about it." she looks at you gratefully, and stare at your hand, still covering hers. You squeezes hers reassuringly, and takes it back.

"Who wants more cookies?" says Perry, trying to break the ice.

-

Some weeks ago, one of your classmates suggested the whole class a trip at the end of the semester, after everyone had their exams, so you could just chill and enjoy some time together. You would go to a nearby city, and you could separate in groups depending on your preferences. A group could go to one of the bars and the other could sit by a bonfire and just talk and drink some beer or whatever. Everybody seemed to like the idea so you and your friends decided to go too.

You just finished your last exam, and can’t wait to relax by a bonfire. You go back to your dorm and, as you lie in your bed, you feel your phone buzzing in your back pocket. You grumble and reach for it. It’s a message from Danny, who you may or may not have been ignoring just because you were stressed out from your exams. You open it and read.

_Hey, Laura. I know you’ve been stressed these days because of your exams, but I kinda miss you. I need to talk to you about the trip, as soon as possible. My mother wants me to go back home this weekend, so I cannot go with you. I’m totally sorry. Call me when you get this message. Love you._

Danny is a good person, you know that. But the way she treats you is just overwhelming sometimes. She have this need to always make sure you are alright, and that you’re not hurt or something like that. However, you feel a little bad about feeling this way. You have no intention of hurting Danny. She likes you and worries about you, that’s all.

So you decide to take a shower first and relax a bit before you call her.

-

You meet her later for some ice cream, and she seems really sad for not going on the trip with you.

"I’m really really sorry, babe. I wanted this so bad. But my mother wants me to go back home this weekend. Something happened to my uncle or something like that. She didn’t explain exactly what, and refuses to tell me more until I’m back home"

"That’s ok, Danny. We can plan a trip later. And it’s not like we would enjoy it that much. My whole class is going" you say.

"That’s exactly why I wanted to go! The whole class is going, Laura. You need someone there to take care of yourself, to protect you from any bastard who might want to try anything with you"

"Danny, I can totally take care of myself. – you say, a bit upset and taken aback by her comment "I had krav maga lessons when I was younger, and I can protect myself from anyone who “might want to try anything with me”."

"Sorry, Laura. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just…" she trails off, and for a moment you think she’s not gonna finish it, but then "I really love you, Laura. And I just want you to be ok. I don’t want some jerk to annoy you or bother you. I want you to have fun and relax"

"I know, I know. But it’s gonna be alright, I promise. Perry and LaFontaine are going too, and Kirsch is gonna be there too, if we need something. And maybe Carmilla can scare out anyone who tries to bother us" you say, reassuring. Danny laughs at your final words, and completes:

"She surely can scare some bros if she wants to".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked? Leave kudos!  
> Have any suggestions, or just wanna chat?  
> Message me @ dontneedtohide.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos - I don't have a beta, and english is not my first language.  
> \- I'll add more tags as the story develops

 

Today you are going to that trip with your friends and classmates. You were to sit with Danny on the bus, but as she’s not going, you decide to sit with Carmilla. The trip will take about two hours, so you can busy yourself with reading a book, or maybe talking to Laf and Perry. However, Carmilla falls asleep as soon as you hit the road, and you can’t keep yourself from looking at her features. She has a soft expression, and is pouting, and you can’t help but think how adorable she is.

As you arrive at the city and reach the hotel, you are divided in groups of four to share the rooms, which look more like a small apartment than a hotel room. It has a bedroom, with two beds, and a bathroom upstairs, and small living room with two more beds. Laf insists in staying in the living room with Perry, claiming that it has a better view than the room upstairs, so you are left to share it with Carmilla.

You just sit at the end of one of the beds as you hear your phone ringing. You take it from your back pocket and sighs.

“Hey Danny” you say as you press the answer button. You hear Carmilla snorting second before she leaves the room.

“Hey babe! I’m already missing you” Danny says through the phone.

“But it’s been like, just a few hours, Danny.” You try not to laugh.

“Shut up. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m missing you.” She says.

“Right, right. How about your uncle? Is everything fine with him?”

“Oh, yeah. He’s actually fine. He just had an accident yesterday, but my mother was really worried about him, and didn’t want to tell me through the phone so I wouldn’t be worried about him too. I actually think it was just an excuse for having me back at home.” Danny says, a bit annoyed. “You having fun there?”

“We arrived just a few minutes ago. But I gotta go, because we’ll leave the hotel soon.” You say, trying to dismiss Danny.

“Oh, right. Have fun, babe. We’ll talk later”

You can’t help but feel a bit annoyed by Danny’s pressure. She has this habit of needing to be in touch with you all the time. She doesn’t give you some space. You feel bad for thinking about it, but that’s just how you feel, and you can’t control it. You decide to leave your phone in your room.

You decide to take a walk in the nearby center, visiting some shops and markets and taking in the nice view that the city offers. You have lunch in a small restaurant, where you enjoy the typical food and the amazing deserts.

Later that day, you sit together with some of your classmates, and decide to play never have I ever, drinking shots every time someone says something you have already done instead of just putting fingers down. Some minutes later, a few of your classmates are a bit tipsy and, for your surprise, so is Carmilla. Not that you judged her based on what you knew about her – that is very little, considering the fact that she doesn’t talk a lot. You just thought she were a quieter girl. Actually, you were really just judging her, so yeah.

Moments later, you decide to play a different game, as the options were becoming scarce. This time you play truth or dare, and being tipsy as some of your classmates were, some of the ‘dares’ were stupid things like ‘turn to the window and show your boobs outside’. But everybody is having fun, so what’s the deal?

“Truth or dare?” someone asks to Carmilla.

“Truth” she answers.

“Would you kiss any of your friends” they ask, referring to you, Laf and Perry. Carmilla seems to think a bit, and then answer

“Yes”. You don’t know why, but your heart skips a beat. It’s not like you have ever thought about it. Well, maybe you did, but you never cared a lot about it.

“Who?” they ask again.

“No! You are only allowed to ask one truth! Save if for next time” Carmilla says with a grin.

You are curious now, and try to imagine it, but you just can’t see Carmilla kissing Laf or Perry. Not that they would kiss Carmilla, at least you think.

Maybe the odds are not in your favor, because the bottle you were spinning took an eternity to point to Carmilla again.

“Truth or dare?” someone asks.

“The rules are three truths, one dare. And if I remember well, the last time was my third true.” She says. “ _Oh God. Are you kidding me?_ ” you think.

“Fine. So I dare you to come down the stairs in a very seductive way” they say.

You facepalm yourself internally. “ _Really? That’s all you jerks can think about?_ ” you wonder.

Carmilla goes up the stairs and, about a minute later, she comes down. And everybody is gaping, because she is already very seductive. It’s not like she had to try very hard to seduce any of you.

Something is thrown your way, and as you inspect it, you find out it’s a bra. _Wait. A fucking bra?? Did she just throw her fucking bra?? On me??_ And if it was possible, your gaping is even bigger. You look back at her and hear some faint whooping and cheering. You look at your friends, and Laf is cheering too, as Perry gives them an stern look and tries to stop her.

“Well done, Karnstein!!” Lafontaine says as Carmilla sits between the two of you.

“Thanks” she says raising an eyebrow and turns to you _who are still gaping_ “Do you mind if I have it back, cupcake?”. You are confused for a second, but then you see her looking at your hands and you follow her gaze. _Oh, the bra_. _I’m still holding it_. You close your mouth, shake your head and hand her the clothing. “Thank you” she says, and you just nod.

By the time, you had already forgotten the previous question Carmilla was asked, her bra still in your mind. But you are soon reminded of it when the bottle points to her again and you hear

“Truth or dare?” the kid says “Please, say dare. Please” _Jerk_.

Carmilla just grins and answer “Truth”.

The boy seems disappointed for a while, but then asks “Who, from your friends, would you kiss?”. _Oh yeah. That._ Carmilla scratch her nape for a while, as thinking about what to say next, and you swear everybody in the room can hear your heart beating, for so loud it was.

“I don’t know…” she starts “… maybe… Perry…” _what_ “… maybe Laf…” you think that’s all she’s gonna say, but then “… maybe Laura. I don’t know.” You don’t know why, but you feel a bit disappointed. Maybe you expected her to say your name first. Or maybe you didn’t expect all the unsure in her voice. But then, you have a girlfriend, and you shouldn’t be thinking about it. Suddenly you feel bad about it, and you really want to go to your room right now, but you wait for Perry to have the same idea, so no one would notice your sudden rush for leaving that room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it. As I said before, there's been a while since I wrote something vaguely similar. So I really need to develop my writing like, a lot more.  
> I don't know if there will be an update before Christmas, so I wanted to wish you all a merry Christmas. And for those who does not celebrate Christmas, I wish you an amazing weekend.  
> You can always find me @ dontneedtohide.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos - I don't have a beta, and english is not my first language.  
> \- I'll add more tags as the story develops

You wake up the next day, and the first thing you see is Carmilla sleeping in her bed. She has her back turned to you, so you can’t see her face. You wish you could, because she is always pouting in her sleep, and it’s very adorable.

When you are the first to wake up, you always wake up your friends by jumping on them. You consider if you should or not do it with Carmilla, as you two are not very intimate. You decide to do it, because what’s the worst that could happen?

You throw yourself on her, and you find her very comfortable (you can’t help but think how creep you are by enjoying laying on people). You feel her stir below you, so you say

“Wake up, sleepyhead!”

Carmilla turns to face you, smiling, and says “I’m awake, cupcake”.

You blush at the nickname, getting up and heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth. When you go back to the room, you notice Carmilla is still sleeping, so you jump on her again.

“Wake uuuup!!!” you say, tickling her.

“Oh shit. Stop it! I’m awake, see?” she says, trying to hold a laugh while trying to hold back your hands.

You only stop when you notice your position. You both have moved, and now Carmilla was laying on her back, and you were straddling her. She seems to notice it too, as she stop laughing and look at you. You feel your cheeks heaten, and get up in a rush, saying

“Great, you’re awake. I’m gonna wake up Laf and Perry.” and leave the room.

-

The rest of the trip is just fine. Carmilla is back to her “normal self”, not talking too much and hiding behind a book from time to time, but you catch her staring at your sometimes, as she tries to disguise it.

-

Back on the bus, on the way back to your city, you are sitting again next to Carmilla, while Perry and Lafontaine share the seats next to you. Carmilla has her eyes closed, but you can tell she’s not sleeping. You are feeling a bit tired, so you decide to lay your head on her shoulder, as it’s impossible to sleep comfortable in a sitting position.

“What’s that for? Missing your amazon girlfriend already?” you hear her sarcastic commentary, and instantly raise your head, looking at her taken aback. You think about something to say, but you decide to just ignore her, shaking your head and looking to the other side.

You don’t really understand what she said, or for what reason she said what she said. That girl definitely makes you confused sometimes, and you can’t help but think how infuriating she is.

-

You don’t see or talk to Carmilla during your holidays. You kind of miss her, but you don’t know if you should send her a message, or call her. The last time your talked was when you got back from that trip, and all she said was a simple “good bye” and “see you around”, like she doesn’t expect to see you again in college. You were still a bit mad at her in that moment, so you didn’t give it much thought.  But now you find yourself thinking about her a lot more than you probably should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another small chapter, because I suck at developing stories. Sorry.  
> You can always find me at dontneedtohide.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I'm sorry if there are any mistakes or typos - I don't have a beta, and english is not my first language.  
> \- I'll add more tags as the story develops

Your relationship with Danny is a bit insipid. You always hang out, of course, and she always takes you to cool places like the movies, or bowling, and she is always kind and sweet with you. However, you just don’t feel anything. There’s no thrill, no throbbing heart. You like her, of course, but just not the same way she likes you. Still, you like all the attention you get – except when it’s overwhelming –, and you like the feeling of being adored by someone. You know it’s wrong, and it’s not fair with Danny, but to be honest, you are just afraid of being alone.

Back to college, the first person you see is Laf – and Perry, of course, because you never see one without the other. You kept in touch during holidays, so there’s not much to catch up. You talk about the new classes and other banalities. You ask them about Carmilla but, just like you, they didn’t get a message from her.

By now, you’ve already accepted that Carmilla is a bit introspective. She’s never the one to text first, or to call first. She always waits for others to look for her, to initiate a conversation. And it might be a little too late right now, but you realize you should have texted her. So it being late or not, you decide to just do it.

 **Laura (14:46):** Hey Carm! How you doing? Haven’t heard of you during holidays. Will I ever see you again in this college?

And it takes a while but, for your surprise, she answers.

 **Carm (15:03):** Hey Cupcake. I’m fine. I’ve been hiking and camping a lot during holidays, so I wasn’t that reachable. And you’ll see me soon, hopefully.

You don’t understand why, but your heart is throbbing with the idea of seeing Carmilla again. Probably it’s just because you’ve missed her and her sarcastic sense of humor.

-

You don’t get to see her until your last class on Wednesday. She arrives just when the class is about to start, and the only seats available are far from you, so she just gives you a sweet smile and head to the back of the room.

You feel a sudden need to talk to someone, so you take a piece of paper and write “ _she’s so beautiful_ ” and hands it to Lafontaine, who’s sitting right next to you. You feel like you’re back to high school, sending messages through notes like this.

You see Laf shrugging, and then they give you the note back. You read below what you’ve written “ _Who?_ ”

This feels a bit wrong, talking about someone the way you are about to talk given the fact that you have a girlfriend. But you feel something different when you are near Carmilla, and this feeling was a bit forgotten during holidays. But it was back the very second you saw her entering the class. So you think that maybe you should risk it, and then write in the note “ _Carmilla_ ” and hands it to Laf.

They take a moment looking at the paper, lost in thoughts, and then look at you, trying to read your expression. After a second, they just write something in the paper and give it back to you. “ _She is._ ” you read.

You look back to where Carmilla is sitting, and feel your stomach turns. She is talking to some blondie that’s sitting next to her. She’s just talking, but you feel a pain anyways. Are you jealous? You’re not sure. Her gaze meet yours for a while and you turn to look at the front of the class again, and see that Lafontaine is watching you with an unreadable expression, like she’s analyzing you. You shrug and mouth a “ _what?_ ” to them, and they shrug back and shakes their head as if saying “ _nothing_ ”. You dismiss it and try to pay attention in whatever the professor was saying.

-

You are separated in groups again for an assignment, and you try not to look in Carmilla’s direction, because she probably won’t be in your group this time. You feel a hand on our shoulder, and when you look up, you are surprised.

“Hey!” she says.

“Hey, Carm” you try to hide your surprise. She fidgets a bit, looking at her feet, and when she looks up, she asks

“Is it okay if I join you?” she says looking from you to Lafontaine and Perry, and then back to you, as waiting for an answer.

“Of course! I was going to ask you that, but I just thought… never mind. Of course you can join us.” You say

“What you thought?” she asks, confused. And when you don’t answer right away, she says “Come on, you can tell me. I won’t be mad at you.” with a sweet smile, which you can’t resist to.

“I thought you already had a group, because you seemed very excited talking to your friend back there, and it’s silly to suppose it out of nothing, but…”

“It’s ok, cupcake. Now breathe” she cuts you off, giving you that sweet smile that seemed to be reserved just for you. You blush a little and smiles back to her. “I don’t even know her. I just sat next to her and she started talking to me” she tries to explain. It’s not like she had to, because she’s just your friend, but you are happy that she did it.

Another semester for you to torture yourself by having Carmilla next to you is about to start. She is infuriating most of the time, but she can be sweet when she wants to. It’s probably a very bad idea, to have her near you again, given the fact that you are actually developing feelings for her AND you have a girlfriend. God, you are so fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always find me at dontneedtohide.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm sorry it took me a while to update it. But the thing is: I'm trying to tell a (real) story, but mixing it with Carmilla universe, so sometimes it's really hard to fit the facts and make sure that everything makes sense. I have to change some things in the "real" story sometimes, and it's hard for me to create some situations in which both stories fit together, because there's been about 4 years that I don't practice creative writing - and I have never written something like this in english.  
> I know that this story is developing in a kind of a rush, and some things might not make sense, or you probably won't understand how or when it happened. But I swear that I'm trying my best.  
> As it's based on a true story that happened in 2013, I don't remember a lot of details, thus this fic seems more like a huddle of fragments than a story. I'm trying to add more details and dialogues, and to create more situations beyond the situations that really happened.  
> Thank you for the comments - it's actually the only reason why I'm still writing this.

Carmilla is different, and you can feel it. You catch her looking at you more than you thought it was possible. Still, she is a very closed person, so you don’t really know how she feels. She is always giving you mixed signals, and sometimes you are sure she doesn’t like you at all, but sometimes she is very sweet. In the meantime, you don’t really know what you should do, because you have a girlfriend but, at the same time, you are not happy with it, you are just content you are not alone. However, you feel like kind of cheating on her, because you are now sure that you have feelings for someone else, and always catch yourself thinking about her more than you should.

-

The four of you are in your dorm, focused on finishing your assignment – or at least you try to believe that. Your thoughts always drift back to Carmilla, and when you realize it, you are looking at her. She seems to notice it, and when she looks at you, you try to pretend you were not looking. You catch her giving you a sweet smile, and you blush at being caught.

You don’t know why you feel how you feel, and why you started to feel it so suddenly. Everything started all of a sudden, out of the blue, so you can’t really explain how it happened. Carmilla never made any effort to by liked, but you just felt drawn to her the very moment you saw her. And it doesn’t matter how much infuriating she can be sometimes, you still can’t hate her.

She is the first to leave your dorm with some random excuse – as always, and it always infuriates you so much. _Why can’t she stay just a little longer?_ After she’s gone, you notice she left her jacket by your bed. You run to your door to try and catch her, but she’s already gone. You cling to her jacket and take a deep breath. Then you look around to check if somebody noticed it, because you don’t want to look like a creep, smelling someone else’s jacket like that.

You hang her jacket on your door, and go back to Laf and Perry, who were both involved in an argument about something that really didn’t matter to you. When they notice you are back, they both look at you, giving a warm smile. _You can do it, Hollis_ , you tell yourself. So you grow up the courage and say “Guys... I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Oh, sweetie” Perry is the first to talk “Have you talked to her about it?”

“No, of course. I don’t think she thinks of me that way. I don’t even know if the she likes me even as a friend” you say, shrugging.

“You must be blind to not see it, L.” says Laf.

“What do you mean?” you ask, confused.

“When she thinks nobody is paying attention, she looks at you with this silly smile that never have I ever seen before. It’s like a smile she saves only for you.” says Laf.

“That’s nonsense, Laf. Stop teasing me.” you say a bit unsure with this new information.

“I’m sorry, sweetie. But Lafontaine is serious. I have to agree with them. I’ve seen the way she looks at you too. You should talk to her about it.” Perry reassures you.

“But… What about Danny? What should I do?” you ask.

“Darling, we can see that you are not happy with her. Do you even feel something for her? Or are you with her just because you don’t want to be alone?”

You feel a little bad about it, because you now that what Perry is saying is the truth, and you know that she also know how you are feeling. “It’s not that easy, Perr”

“Of course it’s easy, L. You don’t feel about her the way she feels about it. Everybody can see that. So you should really seek happiness. And if that means you have to break up with her, just do it. Simple as it seems. And you don’t have to worry about being alone, because we’ll always be there for you.” Says Laf.

You debate for a while over what you should say. You don’t really know what to do, because it might be as simple as it seems, but not for you. You hate the feeling of being alone, of not having someone to care for you, to give you attention. It may seem a bit selfish, but that’s just how you feel, and you’re not guilty about it. After all, you should never regret feeling the way you feel. “I’ll think about it” is what you say, trying to avoid further question and to change the subject.

-

Later that day, you are alone in your room when you remember Carmilla’s jacket by your door. You take your phone and type a quick message, not knowing if she’ll be busy or not to answer you.

**Laura (4:23pm):** Hey!

The answer comes few minutes later.

**Carm (4:25pm):** Hey, cupcake.

**Laura (4:26pm):** You forgot your jacket in my dorm!

You type simply and almost instantly receive an answer.

**Carm (4:26pm):** Yeah, so I’ve noticed! Take good care of it, cupcake.

**Laura (4:27pm):** Haha! Sure. I’ll give it back to you tomorrow… maybe. It’s actually a very comfortable jacket…

**Carm (4:28pm):** You can give it back later, cupcake. I’ll let you enjoy it for a while.

You cling to the jacket again and take a deep breath.

**Laura (4:29pm):** It also has a nice smell. What perfume is this?

You wait a while, analyzing if it would be something ok to say. You quickly press _send_ and drop your phone in your bed, as trying to hide from it and the answer that may come. You feel it buzzing seconds later and, with a shaking hand, take it.

**Carm (4:30pm):** Are you smelling my jacket, cupcake? Lmao. It’s called Black XS, by the way.

You blush and feel yourself smiling.

-

You are grabbing some food at the cafeteria with Danny, and as you are waiting in the line with her, she gives you an unexpected kiss. You give her a half-hearted smile and, when you look back to where your friends were waiting, you see Carmilla looking at you with and unreadable expression. However, she averts her eyes as somebody is calling her. You see her give a small smile to the blonde that reaches her and hugs her.

You have never seen Carmilla hug someone other than you. You feel your heart clutching at the sight, and instantly snort, catching Danny’s attention.

“Everything okay, babe?” she asks, looking at you. You just give her a small nod and try to focus on the line in front of you.

Are you feeling jealous? You can’t really tell. You were not supposed to feel this way, right? Carmilla is not yours – you try to convince yourself – and she owes you nothing. She can hug or kiss – or whatever she wants – whoever she wants.

The blonde is long gone when you go back to your friends, and Carmilla seems to be avoiding you. _Great_ , you think. _What have I done now?_ Sometimes she is nice to you, but sometimes she is rude. You really don’t understand this dichotomy. You just want to strangle her sometimes… or kiss those nice lips… _wait, what?_ You catch yourself looking at said lips, and Carmilla is looking right back at you. You shake your head as trying to regain focus on whatever Lafontaine were saying.

-

It’s the first time Carmilla has suggested that the four of you met at her place to do another assignment. You take a little more time than what was needed to get ready, because you are feeling very anxious.

“Hey!” you say as Carmilla opens the door for you.

“Hey, cupcake. Make yourself at home. Can I give you something? Soda? Water?” she says with a smile.

“No, I’m ok. Thanks!” you say, looking around. Her apartment is very cozy and comfortable, and smells just like her. You see some shelves and are amazed by the amount of books that she has. You then remember “Oh, I brought your jacket!” that was wrapped in your arm. You hand it to her with a shy smile.

“Thanks, cupcake. Come on, Laf and Perry are already there. We were just waiting for you” she says, taking her jacket and giving you a wink.

You feel a bit disappointed that you’re not going to have some time alone with Carmilla but, at the same time, you are relieved. You don’t know what could have possibly happened if you were alone with her. _God, I sound like a perv_ , you think to yourself.

Lafontaine and Perry are by the small kitchen, baking some cookies. You sit in one of the stools by Carmilla’s side and watch them doing their magic. You can’t help but think how much those two are amazing at the kitchen. They always bake and cook amazing food. They have a kind of compatibility that you have never seen before, and that’s astonishing. You and Carmilla exchange a few looks and small smiles meanwhile.

-

After you have finished your assignment, you are all back in the kitchen, eating the wonders that Laf and Perry had made, when there’s a knock on the door. Carmilla frowns and rise to answer the door.

She comes back with Danny following her. She mouths “Did you invited her?”, looking at the three of you, and you see Perry shrugging. Carmilla close her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. You don’t really understand why Perry invited her after the talk you had the other day.

“Hey, babe. Surprise!” Danny says to you. You give her a half-hearted smile, and turn your face when she tries to kiss you, making her kiss your cheek instead.

“Hey. What you’re doing here? I thought you had practice today” you ask a bit uncomfortable.

“Yes, but I decided to surprise you. So when you told me you would come to Karstein’s place to do that assignment, I asked Perry for the address. And I bought you this” she says, handing you a rose.

The rest of the day goes by awkwardly, as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to know how much this fic sucks, you can always find me at dontneedtohide.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took me 20 days to give you an update, but I had a kind of writer’s block, so I wrote a bit one day and spend another 5 trying to write more, unsuccessfully. However, I did it! I could write more this week, and the chapter was almost done by yesterday. I just revised it today and added more things.  
> I really hope you guys like it. Thank you for the comments and kudos!  
> <3

The next time you are alone with Perry, you scold her

“Perr, what the buck? Why did you tell Danny where Carmilla lived?” you ask exasperatedly.

“I’m really sorry, dear. I really didn’t give it much thought when she asked where it was. I didn’t think she would show up to surprise you.” She says feeling totally guilty about ruining your meet up. You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh.

“That’s ok, Perry. I’m sorry for scolding you. It’s just that… it got totally weird after Danny got there. You probably could feel that even Laf was feeling uncomfortable there.”

“I know, sweetie. And I’m really sorry about it. However, you should really sort things out, and quickly. I know it’s complicated, and that you are afraid. But you gotta take a step before everything gets worse. Soon Danny will notice it, and you know she can overreact sometimes when it’s about you.” She says, apprehensive.

“What do you mean, Danny will notice? Notice what?” you ask, furrowing your brow. Perry just gives you a small smile and pats your shoulder before Lafontaine reaches you.

However, Perry is totally right, and you know it. You should do something about it, and quickly, before things get worse. You just don’t know what to do – not knowing what you are feeling, or what does it mean, is very complicated. You know you feel something about Carmilla; you just don’t know _what_ exactly. Therefore, you don’t know how to deal with it. You can’t just break up with Danny and show up at Carm’s apartment and say “Hey! So, I just broke up with my ex because I feel something for you. But I really don’t know what I feel, so I don’t know what I should do.” You don’t even know if she feels something for you too, and you are too afraid to just risk it all.

-

By the time your class ends, you decide to grab something to eat with your friends. Danny is holding your hand and you feel a bit uncomfortable, but you try to ignore it. She’s talking about something sports-related, and you stop listening after a while. You don’t mean to be rude, it’s just that you have a lot going on in your head right now that you can’t force yourself to pay attention to anything any of your friends are saying. However, you feel someone nudging your shoulder, and when you turn to look, Carmilla is giving you a small smile.

“Hey, Carm!” you smile at her.

“Hey, Cupcake. So I was watching this movie, and you totally look like one of the actresses, who I happen to like very much.” She says, keeping her eyes on the ground.

“Is that so?” you ask blushing, and she just nods. “Is she beautiful?”

“Very much!” she says, smirking. You gig and avert your eyes to the ground. In a sudden boost of confidence, you feel the words falling from your mouth “Would you bang her?” and you feel your face getting warmer. Carmilla looks at you with an unreadable face, and you wish you could take your words back, because _what the buck, Hollis? Why the hell you asked it? She’s gonna think I’m a weirdo._ You mentally facepalm yourself. You look at the ground, feeling shyer than ever, but then you hear.

“Totally.”

-

_Carmilla told me I look like a beautiful actress that she likes very much, and I don’t know why, but I asked her if she would bang her, AND SHE SAID YES. I don’t know what to think. Help?_

You write in a piece of paper, handing it to Laf, who’s sitting next to you in one of your classes. After a moment, they hand it back to you.

**Yeah, I don’t think you noticed, but I was right next to you in that moment. Oh, right. You were very distracted by mistress of the snark.**

You feel your face become warm, and quickly write.

_LAF, NOT THE POINT._

**So, I noticed, and Danny probably noticed it too.**

_WHAT???_

**She was right next to you, Laura. What do you expected? But anyways, when we were at the line to grab some food, I told Karnstein that Lawrence seemed to be suspicious that you were hitting on her, and she was like “you think so?”**

_But  she said “you think so” about Danny being suspicious or about me hitting on her?_

**I think it was about you. She was like “was she really hitting on me?” Bloody hell! You guys are so oblivious!**

_She probably thinks it’s all a joke, Laf._

**Ok, I’ve got an idea. Can I keep this paper?**

_Yes, but… what you gonna do?_

“What you guys ‘talking’ about?” you are startled by the voice. _Carmilla. Fuck!_ You think, shoving the piece of paper in Laf’s books the faster you can. _Was she even supposed to be in this class?_

“Oh, it’s nothing!” you answer, flustered. “Not that I’m complaining, but what the buck are you doing here?”

“Jumpy, are we?! Well, I got bored, so I decided to make a visit. However, if I’m bothering you, I can always leave.” She says, a bit unsure.

“No, nonono! That’s ok. I just wasn’t expecting your visit right now.” You say, your voice an octave higher than the normal.

For the rest of the class, you try to pay attention, pretending Carmilla is not sitting a row behind you and making jokes with Lafontaine. You can’t help but smile at their interaction.

-

The week is almost over, and you are sitting in a calm place on campus that you and your friends claim to be your spot. You still have one class before you call it a day, but you still have a little time before it starts. There is a plenty of trees surrounding you, and the breeze that hits your face is cold enough to give you some chills, even though it’s not a cold day. You are lost in thoughts, laying in the grass and looking at the sky, but you are brought back by a warm voice.

“Hey, guys. So, uh… My birthday is coming, and even though I don’t usually celebrate it, I wanted to know if you feel like going to that new club near university, to just drink and have fun…” Carmilla says to you and your friends, a bit unsure. You know for sure that she is not the commemorative kind, but it’s cool that she cares enough to kind of celebrate it having her friends in her company. Not that she would ever admit that she considers Laf or Perry her friends, but deep inside everybody knows that.

You sit, straightening your body, and say “Oh, Carm. That would be great!”, followed by a unison “ _yeah_ ” said by your ginger friends. “We would love to make you company!” You can see a small blush forming in her face.

“Cool. I’ll send you the details later” she says, picking up her things and heading to probably another class.

“I would never expect her to invite us to a kind of birthday party.” Says Laf.

“She always does things that we don’t expect her to. Actually, she seems to be doing that a lot recently.” You say, receiving a nod from your friends.

“That girl is truly a mystery.” Says Laf, and when Perry excuses herself to the toilet, they continue “Have you sorted things out already, Frosh?”

You let your body fall back in the grass, groaning in exasperation. “Can we not talk about it?” you ask.

“I’m just trying to help, L. I know how frustrated you are about it, and I just want to make sure you’ll be fine.”

They told you, a few days ago, why they kept that notes you wrote in class and what their plan was. “ _I talked to her, and gave her the paper._ ” You panicked right away, and were almost killing your friend, but they said “ _It’s for the best, Frosh. I had to do something; otherwise you guys would keep up with this drama for god knows how long! You can thank me later_ ”. You don’t think this was the best plan, but it was already done, so it’s not like you could take the paper back from Carmilla, or ask her not to read it.

“I’m sorry, Laf.” You say, sitting again and looking at them. “I just really don’t know what to do. It’s not like she is giving me any signals to help. I can’t just jump in the unknown, in the unsure. It’s a shot in the dark, a risk I’m not ready to take. I know I sound totally selfish, thinking only about myself, but I actually care about Danny too, and I don’t wanna hurt her.”

“What do you mean? Didn’t Carmilla say anything about the notes?” they ask.

“No, she didn’t. I was waiting for our class to start, by the benches, and Danny was with me. When Carm saw us, she just gave me a weird look and a half-hearted smile before disappearing like she always does. I don’t even know if she read the notes. At least, she didn’t acknowledge it. God, I’m so lost.” You say, pressing your hands in your face.

“Chill, Frosh. I’m pretty sure she read it. Maybe she just doesn’t know what to do. I mean, you say you have feelings for her, and the other day you are sitting there with your girlfriend. I’ll talk to her again. Just try to stay alive meanwhile.” Laf says.

You drop your hands to the ground beneath you and take a deep breath. “Thanks, Laf. Thank you for helping me with this confusion.” They just give you a sweet smile and squeeze your hand, reassuringly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want me to know how much this fic sucks, you can always find me at dontneedtohide.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for the almost-7-months gap, but here I am, back from the dead.  
> I re-read my fic and deleted Kirsch from the tags because I realized I only mentioned him once, and then I kind of forgot to put him in the story (I still don't know how it happened, but here we are). It was the best decision to make, as he is not a crucial part of the plot, and it would be weird if he just re-appeared, after 7 chapters. So, sorry about that.  
> Also, I realized how badly-written is this fic, and almost gave up on finishing it. But there's like, two chapters left, so.. whatever.  
> I finished this chapter about two weeks ago, but wasn't really satisfied with it. So instead of just uploading it as soon as I finished it - as I did with the previous chapters - I let it sit there for a while, read it every other day, and changed the end a few times.  
> Ultimately, I hope you like it.  
> PS: I'm sorry for this first depressive paragraph.

Life has become a blur, as time seems to goes by without much effort. You’ve been procrastinating a lot, spending your time laying in your bed thinking about how everything escalated quickly, going from smooth to partisan in a heartbeat. You should really be worrying about the two essays you have yet to start, because otherwise, you will fail some classes. However, you are surrounded by a heavy cloud of numbness, and even getting up to use the bathroom seems like a really hard-to-complete task. Therefore, you just choose to take a little time to yourself – because really, there’s nothing you can do to feel better – and ignores the constant buzz from your phone, indicating some messages from your friends and girlfriend.

-

As the week start, you prepare yourself to be scolded by Danny. You’re not really in the mood for talking, but there are some things you just can’t avoid forever.

“Laura, what the hell? Are you like, avoiding me or something? Why you didn’t answer my texts or calls?” she asks, towering over you.

You sigh heavily before answering “Hey, Danny. I’m sorry, ok? It was just a long week, and I had a lot of work to do… I just really needed some time for myself.” You say, avoiding her eyes. You see her expression changing from angry to concerned, and instantly feel guilty for lying.

“Oh… babe, you should have told me! I can totally help you with your papers, you know that, right?” she says, rubbing her hands in your arms in a soothing way. “Come here” she says, pulling you for a hug.

Soon you meet your friends, and they all want to know what was up with you. You let them know you were not feeling very well, and they just let it pass and change the subject to some new movie that’s going to be on theatres soon, and you stop listening when someone nudges you.

“Hey…” Carmilla says.

“Hey, Carm” you say, giving her a small smile.

“Is everything alright, cupcake?” she asks looking right in your eyes, and you can hear the honesty in her voice.

You sigh, and you can’t really tell her what’s bothering you, so you say “Just… I have a lot going on my head right now. It’s nothing really important.”

She takes a while to say something, as if considering what she’s going to say next. “You know you can talk to me, right?” She says, giving your hand a small squeeze. Your first reaction is to hug her, so you do.

“Thanks, Carm. I really appreciate it” she gives you a small smile and you both turn your attention to the ginger squad.

“… and it’s gonna be on theatres by the end of October. We should really go together, all of us.”

“It sounds like a plan!” says, Danny. “What do you think, babe?”

“Er... I... Yeah, sure.” You don’t really know which movie it is, exactly, but it’s never a bad idea to spend some time with your friends. 

“It’s gonna be on a Friday night, right?” Carmilla – who apparently could pay attention to everything surrounding her – asks and continues after Lafontaine’s nod “You could all drop by my place after that. It’s gonna be weekend, after all, and we could make lunch and chill”

“That’s cool, Karnstein” Lafontaine says. “What do you think, Per?”

“I’m ok with that. I could totally cook us something nice!” Perry says with excitement.

“It’s settled, then.” Carmilla says, grabbing her things to go wherever she goes when she’s not on classes, but stops before leaving. “You guys still up for this Friday, right?” she asks a bit unsure.

Right. Her birthday. “Of course, Carm.” You say. “We wouldn’t miss it!” She gives you a small smile and waves good bye.

-

You all agree to meet outside the club, and when everybody’s there you go in. You find a table in the back, and as you settle, Carmilla heads to the bar to grab drinks for the squad. She is wearing her black jeans, a white t-shirt and her usual leather jacket, and you can’t help but stare.

You watch as some blond stops by her side and touches her arm, saying something in her ear. A weird feeling settles in your chest, and you’re not sure you want to acknowledge it. You avert your eyes and try to focus on what your friends are saying, but in vain.

Carmilla comes back to the table and handles the drinks to everybody; your girlfriend is (unfortunately) the first to speak.

“So, Vampirella… I never thought you were a lady-killer! Tell us, what happened at the bar?”

Carmilla seems a bit bewildered, and she answers as she looks at her drink “Oh, she… er… she just wanted my number”

“Hell yeah, Karnstein! So now you have a date?!” Danny asks, and you want to be anywhere but here right now. You don’t really wanna hear Carmilla’s answer, but you are trapped between your girlfriend and the wall, so there’s no way you can escape.

“It’s not a date. She doesn’t meet the standards to be considered a date. If you want to call it something, call it a merely hookup, Xena” She says a bit annoyed, turning her drink in a single sip and getting up. “I need some air,” she says, heading to the smoking area.

“She definitely needs to get laid! I mean… what? Did I say something wrong?” Danny says, looking between you and your friends, and you huff in annoyance.

“Come on, Danny… It’s her birthday! Stop pestering her” you say, shoving Danny so you can get up, “I’ll go talk to her.” She roll her eyes at you, but don’t say anything.

You find Carmilla in the corner of the smoking area, balancing herself in one leg while the other is bent, resting against the wall. She has a cigarette between her fingers, and you watch her as she brings it to her lips and then lets all the smoke out. You never saw her smoking before, and although the idea of cigarettes repulses you, the idea of Carmilla doing it doesn’t bother you at all. She’s absent-mindedly looking at the sky, and don’t notice when you approach her.

“Hey” you say, trying not to startle her. She looks at you, and then turns her head back to the sky, letting out another cloud of smoke. She closes her eyes for a moment, before turning to face you completely.

“Hey cutie.” She puts out her cigarette and tucks her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

“I’ve never seen you smoking before…” You say, after a moment of silence.

“Are you here to repress me, cupcake?” she asks, furrowing her brows, and you understand that she’s just messing with you. You roll your eyes at her, and she continues. “I don’t usually smoke, actually. It just helps me to chill.” She simply says.

“Oh… Is everything ok? Do you need to talk to someone? ‘Cause you know, you can always talk to me, right?!” you say in a beat.

“Everything’s peachy, cupcake. Don’t worry.” She says, turning her head back to the sky. You know that something is wrong, but you know better than to push Carmilla to talk, so you decide to change the subject.

“So, I actually bought you something for your birthday…” you say, while trying to find it in your purse, and she turns to look at you again. “It’s just a simple thing that I thought you would like…” you hand her the package and try to avoid her eyes, suddenly felling a bit shy.

“You know you didn’t have to buy me anything, right? She says, astonished, and pulls you in a thigh hug.

“Shush. Just open it already!” you say with a beaming smile, and she lets you go, unwrapping her present. “It’s just… I’ve seen you drawing before, and thought that maybe you would like a sketchbook, maybe…?”

She gives you a sincere smile, and gives you a soft kiss on the cheek. You blush furiously.

“You really didn’t have to. But thanks, sweetheart. I love it.” She says, still smiling.

“Did you really give that girl your number?” you blurt, unexpectedly, and regrets it the moment you see Carmilla’s smile falter. “I mean… I’m sorry. This is none of my business.” You say and turn to leave, but a soft hand in your wrist stops you.

“Laura…” she says, searching your face for something. She always calls you by nicknames, so you try really hard to supress the chill that runs down your spine when you hear how your name sounds when she says it. 

She never said anything about how you feel about her. As far as you know, she might have never even read that paper LaF gave her, where you said how you feel. Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe this was one-sided right from the start, and you had fallen so hard that you didn’t notice that it was all an illusion created by your wishful-thinking mind.

You have to take a deep breath in order to stop the tears that are coming.

“No, it’s ok. Really. Don’t worry” you say, more to yourself than for her, while looking at the ground. You turn your wrist so you can take her hand in yours and give it a gentle squeeze, while looking at her “Come on. It’s your birthday. Let’s get wasted!”

**Author's Note:**

> Liked? Leave kudos!  
> Have any suggestions, or just wanna chat?  
> Message me @ dontneedtohide.tumblr.com/


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